Through a series of synchronicities I ended up having an “Angel reading” on Monday night. Now as “out there” as I may seem to some, I am actually as left-brained as my current employment (IT consultant) would lead you to believe. Okay, so I thought I was going to a numerology reading which may strike people as equally ‘out there’ – but to me there’s a STRUCTURE behind that. Angel readings? Not so much. But since I intuitively trusted the woman in front of whom I sat (Terrie Crowley), I forged ahead.
I’m glad I did. Because wherever the guidance she was giving me came from, it was very helpful.
It got me to thinking about the ‘genealogy’ of emotions. Getting to the heart of the matter.
I’ve noticed a propensity of late on my part to tout the virtue of toughness – in myself, with my big honking Harley, and in others.
THE ROOT – GENEALOGY
The parent of toughness is vulnerability
The twin sister of vulnerability is fear
The parent of vulnerability and fear is lack of trust
So, knowing that genealogy, rather than wave my sword about like Durga or Kali, I can first protect what feels threatened within me (protecting the vulnerable – which is what my namesake, Diana, is all about).
Seeing the vulnerability and fear I can then ask “why do I not trust God/the Universe/All That Is to have my highest good in mind?”
To that end, Terrie assigned me a task – assigned as though a one-time task, but, which I can see could continue to be helpful in times of trouble:
Write an “evidence journal.”
She said to step away from “my story” and just look at events in my life for all the proofs of how protected and loved I am. Trauma by trauma, story by story, miracle by miracle – just record the facts that support the philosophy on a favored bumper sticker I once had: “Expect a miracle.”
The first thing that sprang to mind truly does seem miraculous. When I was not quite six years old my mother had a heart attack. My sister was just 4 and our brother 3. No other adults were home. My mom sat on the floor, her lips turning blue, and told me to go get help. We had just moved to Indianapolis a few weeks before and didn’t really know people. And hey – I was not-quite-6-years-old! But I walked out, found a lady bringing in her clothes from the clothesline as there was an uncharacteristic snowstorm in October – she had come home from work solely to do this task.
And – she was a cardiac nurse.
Yes, there are forces out there watching over us. As it turns out, I have always believed in angels, and in saints and in forces beyond my left-brained knowing. I love the quote from the Talmud: “Every blade of grass has its angel that bends over it and whispers, ‘Grow! Grow!’”
So I’ll work on that Evidence Journal. When I find myself wanting to chastise someone to ‘toughen up’ I’ll instead check out what feels scary to me. (However, I’m fond of my toughness and won’t totally abandon it either!).
How about you? Have you done ‘genealogical research’ on your emotions or reactions to life? What did you find? And what about that trust thing? How do you weigh in on Einstein’s famous quote: “The most important question a person can ask is ‘Is the Universe a friendly place?’” – Well, is it?
As always, I really want to know!