I uncharacteristically woke up at 2:44 AM (don’t you love digital clocks…) feeling in a mild state of panic. In my walking around life lately, I’ve felt adrift. I recognize both the liminal space I seem to be in as well as the turning of the seasons. This season particularly arouses in me (and many others apparently) a sense of new beginnings, harkening back to school days of yore. So I **should** have a sense of anticipation, right? Not dread. But at 2:44 am it felt more like falling into the darkness.
So I journalled a bit and then turned on the laptop – feeling very alone and weirded out. I opened up Facebook and there at the top of my newsfeed (at 3:02 AM) was this post from Marianne Williamson: “Don’t be afraid to surrender to the void. The void isn’t empty; it’s filled with the divine.”
My belief is that we’re not in this alone. That there is a Divine Spirit, many spirits, in my world view, who help us along our way. I’ve always loved that quote from the Talmud “Every blade of grass has its angel who bends over it and whispers ‘Grow, grow.'” If a blade of grass deserves divine guidance, surely I do. But I forget that. And think I have to be my tough-girl, stoic self. In fact, that was a lot of the source of panic – the aloneness, the “what the hell am I supposed to be doing with this ‘one wild and precious life’ – the “having to figure it out.”
In the personal growth groups in which I travel we talk about God speaking to us via other people. My God knows how distractable I am so She sometimes speaks through songs on the radio, bumperstickers, overheard conversations. And Marianne Williamson, via Facebook. That felt pretty clear to me. “Diane, yo! All is well, I’ve got it handled – go back to sleep.”
So I did.