Phew! I have not one, but three job interviews tomorrow. That’s close to the number I’ve been on cumulatively in my life and I’m in an anticipatory state. Translated to English: nervous and excited. And making lists. And spreadsheets. And checking things like socks and lipstick and are my Big Girl shoes shined (oh no! they’re not! well, we know what comes next).
Tom Petty nailed it: “The waiting is the hardest part.” Before things begin, when there’s so much unknown, so much potential for good and so much that monkey mind predicts will go wrong. So little control, despite spreadsheets and copies of books to give away and freshly pressed suits.
And when I think that I am the Center of The Known Universe and It’s All Up to Me – well, the pressure gets fierce.
I think I’ve told you this story before, but it fits here, too (and hey, maybe YOU just started reading this blog today). I put myself in charge of my parents 50th wedding anniversary party and was, as my brother calls me, The Doer of All Things. When the big day finally came and we were all gathered at the restaurant waiting for the party to begin, I was fretting aloud, sitting next to my then teenaged niece, Mary. Ever the fountain of practicality, Mary just turned to me with a big smile and said “But Aunt Diane, we all WANT to have a good time – just relax and it will all be alright.”
There is a force outside ourselves always. In this case, for instance, several forces are at play: 3 different companies who want to hire people to do the kind of work I do. Another force is the many people with whom I’ll interview. And then there’s the time of day. The morning guy may be getting hungry for lunch, or still mad that he had to get a later train. The right after lunch guy might feel sleepy, or maybe ready to roll – geared up for the afternoon. The 3 PM person might be antsy to end her workday and get home to her kids.
Then there are my noble competitors. Much as Ms. Center of the Universe would like to believe that I am their only one – it’s pretty likely I’m not.
So the anticipatory brain wants to worry about all of that and manage it (I am, after all, a manager – that’s what they PAY me to do – and a Big Sister to boot).
But really, it’s comforting to know that there is a force outside ourselves. There is also, in my world view, a God/Higher Power/Universal force. There is some rhyme and rhythm that we don’t know. And when I can relax into that and trust that God (that’s what I call Her – though sometimes I say “The Universe” because She’s bigger than that and even nicer than my grandma) has my highest good in mind then all is well.
So then the nervous turns to excited and I ask “I wonder what’s going to happen next?” Because you never can tell.
How bout you? Do nervous and excited feel the same? What is their purpose? Is anticipation to be enjoyed/dreaded/endured/ignored? Vote early and often – I live in the suburbs of Chicago – c’mon, chime in!