Deepening our holidays with meaningful traditions

Sundays are Spirituality Day here at Taking it to the Streets

Driving home from the movies last night, my friend and I were admiring the Christmas lights that have sprung up in my town like daffodils in the spring.  Festive, cheerful, sentimental (bringing back such fond memories of childhood) they are a harbinger of the coming winter holidays – for many of us, Christmas.

I’ve noticed how many religious traditions have holidays at this time of year that celebrate brining in the light.  Which, if you are in the Northern Hemisphere, makes a lot of sense as we move inexorably towards Winter Solstice, this longest night of the year.

We bring in the light.  We reassure  ourselves that really, don’t worry about it, the Sun will return! (and interestingly, Christians talk about the birth of the S-O-N, as we all re-welcome the rebirth of the S-U-N).

For me, having Christmas trees is a similar remembrance – the fecundity of the earth is not GONE, it’s just sleeping.

I so enjoy these aspects of “the holidays” and enjoy the music (well, at first – after the one hundredth time I hear “The First Noel” it DOES grate…).  The sense of festivity, of conviviality, of warmth – all those beckon me in, invitingly.

What I don’t enjoy is the way our desire to love and please one another – to connect, to see and be seen – has been perverted into a frenzy of often mindless materialism.  I am particularly put off by “Black Friday” and the attendant hysteria around getting deals.

When my friend Becky died after a 111 day bout of cancer, at the age of 46, I very viscerally got that the race between time and money is truly a no-contest race – time trumps money every time.  Because, despite gloomy economists and a sagging economy, I will tell you  that you CAN get more money.  Time?  not so much.

That’s why time is one of my two favorite gifts to both give and receive (for the other see the third bullet point below).  What do I want?  Quality time with people I love.  The chance to laugh and love and talk and sing.  Just that.  Maybe a drawing from the wee children in my life, or a poem.  In fact – you can write me a poem too – that would be delightful.

Oh, I’m not a curmudgeon (at least not on this score).  I am a believer in buying “stuff” for little kids (though I don’t do it at Christmas when they gorge themselves on stuff, preferring to send surprise gifts throughout the year).

Here’s my list of things to consider in celebrating this season:

• Create memorable holiday traditions with your family and friends and focus on the experience.  My family decorated our tree on Christmas Eve when I was a kid and we always had walnuts and tangerines while doing so – just putting those out at this time of the year brings me a flood of happy memories.
• Consider doing donations as gifts.  My wonderful friends and neighbors, Pete and Julie, do that with their adult siblings – all band together and do a group donation to a favorite charity.
• Some charities make it easy to be specific – I love Heifer, International where you can pick a specific animal. My dad grew up on a farm – we have given him a cow for Father’s Day or his birthday – honoring him, but changing the lives of other people.
• If you’re not a fan of what you consider to be “handouts” then invest in someone’s dreams on behalf of your loved one with an interest paying loan to Kiva (“Change a life for $25″) or Kickstarter (“Fund and follow creativity”).
• Consider an outing to a cultural place together – and then go out for hot chocolate afterwards to discuss your adventure.  Museums, plays – if you are in or near a big city the possibilities are endless – but I bet you have such choices wherever you live.
• Or, celebrate winter (if you live in the Northern Hemisphere) by being IN it – go ice skating, sledding, take a walk in the woods, sit outside by a firepit – be with those you love in the bracing outdoors (and then that hot chocolate or hot toddy will be especially welcomed!)
• Cook together.  Instead of stressing on the performance art of pulling off a feast – or the expense of catering one – invite your friends to make a cozy winter brunch or simple dinner – the laughter and happy talk as you  prepare the food will infuse it with even more love.
• Do something crafty together.  Similarly, decorating can feel like an Olympic competition – but it doesn’t have to.  How about having a “let’s make our holiday decor party” with your women friends (I’m just not picturing guys enjoying this – but if they do, invite ‘em!)
• For many of us, this is still a spiritual or religious holiday.  Whatever tradition you celebrate – Diwali a little while ago, Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa – “remember the reason for the season” and find ways to deepen your spiritual connection to God as you understand God.
• Finally, find a way to be generous to those in need.  One of the happiest Christmas’s I have spent was one in my twenties when I baked cookies for the firemen in the firehouse down the street and then went and volunteered to help at a dinner that the local Catholic Church put on for the homeless and those in need on Christmas Day.  While I was serving turkey and mashed potatoes, a lady, probably in her 40s, with Down’s syndrome came up to me squealing “Look! I got a watch! I got a Mickey Mouse watch!” – her exultation with her gift totally made my day and all these years later still makes me smile.

My plans, still unfolding, contain many elements of what I’ve listed above.  How about you?  In what ways do you find deep meaning in this season?  Have you found a way to keep it both simple and meaningful?  As always, I’d really like to know!

Read Full Post »

Unintended Consequences or Cause and Effect?

Like the rest of America (and the world) I am mourning the horrific shootings Friday in Aurora, Colorado.  And while there are many factors that likely contributed to this nightmare, two things stood out for me:

• It occurred at the premiere of a violent movie. 
• It occurred in a country in which assault weapons are “legal”

What shocks me is that so much of the country acts as if these two facts are totally unrelated to this tragedy and the many before it (and the many that will continue unless we change our ways).

To my mind, if you go to violent movies, watch violent television, read violent books or play violent computer games you are contributing to the epidemic of violence in America.  Worse yet, if you allow impressionable children to do any of these things you may be raising a kid like James Holmes. 

Why do we pretend that the violent images we put into our brains – or worse the developing brains of children and adolescents – have no effect?

For the same reason we believe that the junk food and poisons (including carcinogens like sugar) we put into our body are “treats”, not the cause of most illness.

As Al Gore would say, these are “inconvenient” truths.

Inconvenient in that facing them would make us as individuals, and America as a country, have to change our ways.

Let’s not forget what the Second Amendment REALLY says:  “A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.”

Well-regulated.  Milita.

NOT assault weapons and 6,000 rounds of ammunition for a lone individual.

What did we think would happen when we broadened this definition? (And hey, thanks, Supreme Court, thanks a lot…)

Similarly, you can read news stories on the epidemic of obesity and the “health care crisis”.  People give young children non-stop sugar, sugary drinks and fast food.  Which is exactly what they feed themselves.  Really, what do they think will happen?

I asked my friend Kay when she was working as a nurse in a hospital what percentage of patients were there due to either accidents or genetic disease and what percentage were there due to lifestyle.  She said at least 75% lifestyle.  My reading on the topic says that that is the low end.  It’s more likely 85% or more. 

But we pretend that taking our kids to see Batman or taking them to McDonalds are “treats” and not the genesis of thinking violence is okay and lifelong health problems.

In my mind, the most important question to ask in situations like Aurora, Colorado or the national obesity/disease epidemic is “Who benefits?”

Who benefits by lax gun laws in America?  The NRA and the politicians they support.  Not you and me.

Who benefits by the obesity/disease epidemic (they are one and the same):  Big Food; Big Pharma; Insurance companies and the medical industry.  Not you and me.

I’m sad about Aurora.  But I’m also mad as hell. And I’m mad that Americans let themselves be duped by rich lobbyists and industries over and over again.  It’s time to wake up and take back your lives. Protect your children.  Or — expect more cause and effect.  Because, if you ask me, it’s NOT unintended consequences.  It’s basic cause and effect.  Violence in equals violence out.  Junk food in equals disease and death.

Read Full Post »

Remembering

I’m a pacifist.  My favorite bumpersticker, which  I now proudly sport on my Forester, says “Who Would Jesus Bomb?”.  From my point of view the US has been involved in exactly one war worth entering in the last 75 years – World War II.

Still, I think it is important to honor those who have died in service to their country and community on Memorial Day.  I think we should expand it to honoring fallen police officers, firefighters – anyone who died trying to protect others.

Just because I don’t agree (STRONGLY don’t agree) with the wars of the past 60+ years doesn’t negate that others may not feel the same.  I don’t feel that the soldiers who have died in Iraq, Afghanistan, et al died to save or instill democracy.  From my view they died over oil.

But that doesn’t matter. 

Serving interests outside of oneself is worthy.  Dying in the pursuit of that service – whatever it may be – is the ultimate sacrifice and should be honored.

So I can honor the fallen on Memorial Day and honor our country’s veterans on Veterans Day without agreeing with the political decisions that caused them to go to war.  I can honor the intent that these men and women had.  Honor their brand of patriotism (even when it’s not my brand).  And be thankful that there are brave men and women who are willing to protect our country, when and if it actually needs to be protected.

It took me awhile to separate those viewpoints. 

So this Memorial Day, amidst the motorcycle riding, barbecues and hiking with friends, I WILL pause to pray for those who have lost their lives in service of this country (or their hometown – including police officers and firefighters).  I will pray for their families.  And I will be grateful.

Happy Memorial Day everyone.  Don’t forget what it is actually about!

Read Full Post »

Pocket Neighborhoods

Have you heard of ‘pocket neighborhoods’?  Until last week, neither had I.  After stumbling upon an article about them in the AARP newsletter, I did a little research.

Wikipedia says:

“A pocket neighborhood is a grouping of smaller residences, often around a courtyard or common garden, designed to promote a close knit sense of community and neighborliness with an increased level of contact. Considerations involved in planning and zoning pocket neighborhoods include reducing or segregating parking and roadways, the use of shared communal areas that promote social activities, and homes with smaller square footage built in close proximity to one another (high density). Environmental considerations often play a role in the planning of pocket neighborhoods, and those advocating them promote their design as an alternative to the sprawl, isolation, expense, and commuter and automobile focus of many larger homes in suburban developments.”

Ross Chapin, the architect responsible for this concept does speaking engagements on the Cohousing circuit (conferences, et al) and has written a beautiful book:   Neighborhoods:  Creating Small-Scale Community in a Big-Scale World.  The forward of his book, which I just received in the mail, is done by noted “Not So Big House” architect Sarah Susanka.  If you like architecture and home design, you’ll love this book.

My very brief perusal of the article and book intrigue me.  It’s a concept I’ll further explore.

My very limited understanding now is that pocket neighborhoods encourage co-housing like community, but aren’t specifically called out as such.  Ownership would likely be private with no structural common space (albeit a common space outdoor area seems to be built into the design – ownership  thereof is unclear).  It seems that is more ‘subdivision-like’ in that the builder builds it and then people buy in, rather than having a group of people with common ideals forming together to build cohousing.

The other differentiating feature I see initially is scale.  Pocket neighborhoods, by design are small.  Cohousing can be small, but more typically is 20+ households, not 8-12.

I’ll be reading up more on this, including my newly acquired book and will let you know what I find.  If nothing else, this man designs beautiful, functional houses – good grist for the mill as my friends and I broaden our retirement living planning.

Have you heard of pocket neighborhoods?  Visited any?  What’s your take?

Read Full Post »

Cohousing – Community Land Trusts

Have you heard of Community Land Trusts?  I had not – but after my friend Sue alerted me to this innovative housing model, I did a little research at The National Community Land Trust Network site.  The site says that the concept is not totally new – it’s been around for approximately 30 years. However, it seems to me that with the overall economic downturn, combined with the big wave of Baby Boomer retirements beginning, that it’s more timely than ever.

The basic concept (as I understand it) is that a nonprofit organization is formed to own a piece of land – the community land trust.  On that land houses are built.  The people own the houses, but lease the land.

This ownership model could probably be used for any community purpose, but the purpose of CLTs is to provide affordable housing.  To that end, the CLTs I investigated (in Illinois, Wisconsin, and, because I’m thinking of retiring there, North Carolina) all had income thresholds.  The one in Evanston also had an asset threshold.

When I investigated Village Cohousing in Madison, Wisconsin several years ago, the unit I was interested in buying must have been under some form of CLT-ownership (interestingly, not all in the complex were) with income, but not asset requirements.  My income has varied somewhat dramatically over the years and that was in an ebb period – but I still missed qualifying.  I was intrigued, however, by the concept.  Madison (still my dream place to live) is not cheap.  Village Cohousing is located in a desirable neighborhood – right near the University and the Capitol – unaffordable for many.  So this concept made living there realistic for seniors on fixed incomes, young families (like the one selling this unit) or people who work in low-paying professions.  I loved the concept even though it knocked me out of the running to live in the unit that was for sale.

I think we need innovative thinking to get America back on track. If we look at the old model of growth-based unbridled capitalism – it’s simply not working.  I continue to think that combination of so many foreclosed or abandoned homes and so many homeless people seems like a “duh!” – we should be able to resolve this in a way that benefits all people.  The banks that took this economy down and who continue to rob us – I say let them fend for themselves.

What a wonderful way to help individuals and families, to help neighborhoods, to help us all by providing safe, affordable housing to people who otherwise probably would not be able to become homeowners.

What are your thoughts on CLTs?  Had you heard of them?  How do you think they’d benefit society?  What problems do you see with them?  What other innovative ideas do you have to resolve the housing crisis?  I’d really like to know!

Read Full Post »

Neighborhood cohousing – the shared compost pile

We’ve started a ‘mini-cohousing’ experiment here where I live.  Four households (five, if you include my friend Bill who doesn’t live in the neighborhood but often teams up with us) have joined forces to share more, buy less, and to help one another.

At our initial meeting David & Katja said they have a compost bin behind their garage and that we are all welcome to use it.  I composted all last summer, when my friend Bill had his community-based garden (his town has a plot of land where people who don’t have space to garden where they live can have gardens).  It has really tugged at my conscience to just throw food scraps out since fall.  So I was very excited at David & Katja’s offer.

I’ve seen some fancy composting containers for sale, and if I had a household of more than one person it might make sense for me to get ‘more stuff’ and spend the $20 to get one.  But it’s just me here and Bill came up with a very simple system last summer.  I use 2 different 1-gallon Ziploc bags.

First, I fill bag 1 – putting in my fruit and veggie scraps, coffee grounds (and I believe I can put eggshells in but I want to make sure David & Katja are okay with that in their compost).  I eat a fair amount of fruits and veggies so I can often fill a gallon bag in 4 days or so.  Put stuff in bag, zip it up, put it in the fridge so it doesn’t smell.  Continue til done.

Once the bag is full I get it to the composter - in the summer that means Bill takes the bag and dumps it directly into his garden, now I walk across the street to David & Katja’s composter and just dump it in.

Then I wash bag #1 and while it is drying (my drying rack is to put it over the top of one of my 2 metal water bottles, near the garden window and let the sun dry it), I use bag #2 as above.

Simple.  Easy.  Cheap.  5 household, 1 composter.  I don’t know how much David & Katja paid for their nice composter, but this site has a variety of options in case you, too, want to start composting.

How about you?  Do you compost?  If so, tell us about it!  If not, tell us why.  Is this something your neighborhood or farmily could do?  Join the conversation – I really want to know!

 

 

Read Full Post »

Cohousing: Form a neighborhood group

I’ve mused about creating a neighborhood group, right here, right now, rather than wait until I physically move to (or create) a cohousing community.  If you’re new to the idea of cohousing, it’s not living in a hippie commune or one big house where other people annoy you and there’s never any toilet paper.  Rather, it’s more like “an enlightened subdivision” where neighbors help neighbors and you share stuff, talents and time.

I’ve written several posts in this blog on cohousing – it’s been a passion of mine for many years.  (See cohousing, advantages of cohousing while staying right here in my suburban house, more cohousing ‘lite’ – cooking parties, baby steps towards cohousing – the shared shredder, and more baby steps towards cohousing – aka neighborliness).

And in at least one of those posts I vowed to start a group with some of my wonderful neighbors.

Last night we had our kickoff meeting.  Kids running around (oh, my kittens slept SO well last night!) and good potluck food accompanied our planning.  We agreed upon our intent – as stated above, to share stuff, time, resources and talents.  We agreed upon a forum – a Facebook group for routine communications, good old-fashioned phone calls for the impromptu ones.  And we agreed upon meeting for a Sunday potluck every other month – to fine-tune the process, to socialize, but also to share stuff – bring the things we want to give away and give neighbors the first crack at it.

For now we’re keeping it very simple. Though I’m at a simpler stage in my own life, the other 3 families consist of two working parents and 2 or 3 kids.  Busy lives.  For this to work it has to be easy.

We’ve talked about maybe doing a ‘time bank’ in the future to keep on top of the sharing of time/talents – but for now we’ll trust the process – that it will be equitable and fair.  We’ve already shared resources – I shared a link to the McHenry County Transition and Pete shared a link to a page he heard about on NPR – OhSoWe.  David and Katja offered use of their composter.

We talked about checking in with one another before store runs – while I’m at Costco, does anyone need anything?  Two years ago I did this in an impromptu way, calling Pete & Julie and Lisa & Jon when I was at the Farmer’s Market and saw something I thought they’d like.

I’m very excited about creating conscious community with my neighbors.  What’s your reaction?  Is this something you’d like in your life? How could you make that happen?  What would the benefits be?  I really want to know!

Read Full Post »

Baby steps towards co-housing: the shared shredder

As you may know, I am interested in cohousing.  My two best friends and I are planning to either join a cohousing community, or create a mini one of our own in retirement.  However, right now Sue lives in Orlando and Bill lives a few suburbs away from me.

Bill and I took a mini-step towards our cohousing ideal yesterday when we jointly bought a shredder.  He needs one.  I need one.  We live in separate towns.  But really, how often do you REALLY have to shred things?  For me the big need is in January, when I go through all my files and clean things out.  Most of the papers go into the recycling, but I don’t want to just recycle the financial papers.  Sometimes I just burn them in the fireplace, but this year as I got ambitious and even cleared out the archives in the basement I had a whole big Tupperware bin filled with financial papers from years back.

I’ve been looking for more opportunities to share resources, to create community, to live more lightly on the earth.  Honestly, a shredder seemed a stretch in some ways, but I DO feel there’s sufficient craziness afoot that ensuring one’s financial documents aren’t retrievable makes sense.  So sharing the shredder with Bill seemed a step in the right direction.

I’ve also talked about sharing a snowblower with my neighbors Pete & Julie.  So far we’ve opted to either tough it out (Pete all the time, me with lighter snows) or hire out (me for snows over 3″, Pete for snowpocalypses like we had last year).

I’ll be writing soon on the Transition Town network and other ideas for creating positive change in terms of sustainability and living more lightly on the earth.

A shared shredder is a small thing – but I believe big change is best achieved one personal, small step at a time.

Tell us about the resources you share with others – or ones you could share.  What’s your “mini cohousing”/sustainability/living lightly success story?  I really want to know!

Read Full Post »

Rites of passage

Today I am blessed to be going to the Bar Mitzvah of my young friend Jacob Myers.  I’ve been to one Bat Mitzvah, an adult Bar Mitzvah and now Jacob’s.  I love this rite of passage, marking a moment in time when boys/girls are called to the Torah, called to be men/women in their community.

It’s also coming up on a year since my beloved Aunt Mickey passed and I made the trek out to Yuma, Arizona for her wake and funeral.

And I just booked airline tickets to go to Atlanta in February for a baby shower for my niece Courtney and her husband Nick, expecting their first child in May.

Weddings.  Retirement parties.  Christenings.  When we get to liminal times in our lives – times when we are about to cross a threshold into a new way of being, a new self  – it’s so important to mark the occasion.   And, I think, it’s important to have our tribe with us.  The ‘me’ that does the crossing takes the step alone.  This is most evident with death – and I love Jackson Browne’s lyric that “no matter how close to yours another’s steps have grown, in the end there is one dance you’ll do alone”.  But having witnesses to encourage us, to walk with us up to that limn/threshold is not only important for the one doing the crossing, but for the community.

I’m really looking forward to Jacob’s Bar Mitzvah this morning and honored to be included.  For while I personally, as a gentile, have not been called to the Torah, I HAVE been called to community and to service to God.  And to Jacob and his family.

What rites of passage do YOU have on tap?  How do you feel about them?  I’d really like to know!

Read Full Post »

It’s a dog’s life

I haven’t written on Community in quite some time.  Tonight I was talking to my friend Laurie on the phone.  Laurie has 3 Siberian Huskies.  She participates in the sport of dogsledding.  She belongs to a Siberian Husky rescue club – they do demonstrations and outreach on behalf of this breed.

She is part of the Siberian Husky community, and, in a broader way, of the dog-people community.

I think that’s neat.

Listening to her share her passion – not just for her own dogs – but for the breed, for the sport of dogsledding – for all things Husky-ish – made me think how lucky we are that, whatever our interests, there are others who share it.

In this age of Meetup and listserves and twitter and Facebook it’s also easier to find our compatriots  – whether in our own neighborhood or across the planet.  We make new friends along the way.

I always say I’m a kitty mom and a dog aunt, but I wouldn’t place myself into the “dog community”.  But I love knowing people who are. 

I belong to all sorts of communities – among them Unity Church, some anonymous personal-growth groups, astrology communities, McHenry County Transition and all my circles on Facebook.  My life is enriched by them all.

What communities are YOU part of?  Is it important to you to find your tribe(s)?  Do you enjoy that your friends have their tribes even when they’re different from yours?  Tell me about YOU and community – as always, I really want to know!

Read Full Post »