As I mentioned a few posts ago, I got so much out of Richard Rohr’s book Falling Upwards. Today’s post focuses on one of the ideas in the book – the difference between an overactive superego and real morality. To me this not only applies in my own life, but also to the political discourse in America today.
Rohr wrote (page 48):
“The superego feels like God, because people have had nothing else to guide them. Such a bogus conscience is a terrible substitute for authentic morality. What reveals its bogus character is its major resistance to change and growth, and its substituting of small, low-cost moral issues for the real ones that ask us to change, instead of always trying to change other people. Jesus called it ‘straining out gnats while swallowing camels.’”
On the personal plane
In my own life I see this manifested primarily in two ways:
- Pointing my finger at ‘them’ (Big Pharma, Big Banks, Republicans, etc.) and focusing on the problems, rather than solutions. This also distracts me from ‘doing the next right thing’ in some areas of my life at times
- Focusing intently on my perceived defects of character, rather than seeking ways in which my strengths can be of service to God, others and myself.
Last night as I was berating myself roundly for a thoroughly unproductive day, counting up all the things I should have done – I realized that wasn’t changing the facts and, indeed, probably wasn’t fully representing the facts. So I made a mental list of what I did RIGHT yesterday. Predictably, this changed my attitude and I woke up this morning enthused about being in tune with life, rather than angrily presenting my to-do list to myself with a tsk! tsk! Gentler, in tune with life – and actually way more effective.
America
Regardless of our political affiliations, I would suspect that ALL of us are tired of the rancor, tired of the endless blaming, tired of inaction. For just as my self-berating not only did not make things better, it made them worse (kind of how tight pants make me feel bad about myself – hey, maybe a Snickers would help, whereas loose pants make me proud of myself “as a fit woman, I’ll have the salad for lunch please”). My friend Mary, whom I would characterize as more on the left/liberal/progressive side (that, at least is how it seems to me) reminded ALL of us to stop the blame game. When I call me bad names and wag my finger at myself it doesn’t help. If YOU call me bad names and wag your finger at me – EVEN IF I KNOW YOU ARE RIGHT – I dig in my heels and think very bad things about you.
Don’t you think that’s happening now in this country?
The antidote
Yesterday I was talking to my friend/neighbor/health care provider Lisa about some of this and her response was in synch with my goal for this year - Create.Positive.Change. She said (I’m paraphrasing): “Di, I can’t take part in all that drama and chaos – it’s too draining. I prefer to focus on the solution and create the future I want.”
Me, too.
And I think it helps – with myself, with my relationship with you, with my feelings about “them” – to assume innocence. To assume that I didn’t wake up yesterday and say “I know, I’ll just waste this gift of a day.” To assume that the friend who never has time for me just doesn’t like me (that may be true, but it very well may not be true). To assume that all big companies or Republicans or {fill in the blank with my – or your – demons} are evil, stupid, bad, insidious. That’s just wrong.
As the Chinese proverb tells us “It’s better to light a candle than to curse the darkness.”
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I LOVE this. Thank you. There is so much food for thought here. I have been simply fascinated (but not in a good way) at the way members of political parties have demonized each other and made every single thing about the others point of view ‘evil’. One of the other things at play is confirmation bias, whereby people look for evidence of what they believe in and minimize facts that are contrary to what they want to believe. People are easily led that way, and the end result is complete polarization. It is so refreshing to hear someone state that the real solution is the solution and not berating each other. Bringing it down to the personal level and being gentle with ourselves and our foibles will eventually manifest itself outward to others.
P.S- The Snickers bar will help. LOL. I do things like that.
Thanks, Monica! And oh, it’s a shame that I often DO think the Snickers bar will make things better!
I just attended a women’s conference where some fascinating and disturbing things were shown to us. We learned powerful hand gestures and mannerisms (???!!!) and then they showed us results of an exercise that made me puke. They told us about a study done in classrooms where a hardnosed business person named Heidi was very successful. Everyone hated her. Simply by changing the name to Howard, the person was acceptable. It was deeply disturbing to me.