Tonight I went to my Aunt Mickey’s wake. Before my Mom died 13 years ago, I thought wakes and funerals were kind of weird and best avoided when possible. Then when it was my own Mama, I understood the purpose and since then I’ve made a point to attend those I can – both to say my own goodbyes where applicable (i.e., if I knew the deceased) and/or to be respectful and supportive of the bereaved.
In this case, both purposes applied.
In a funny way this post relates to my previous one “We’re tribal creatures” . We band together in times of troubles almost reflexively – we ARE tribal creatures. I was also struck tonight as my cousin Donny’s partner was talking about sitting shiva as a Jewish death-related ritual of how tribal our ways of handling the end of life are. I mentioned in yesterday’s post that I had just read “The Celts: A Very Short History” and that book talked about being able to discern archaeologically who lived in a given region by observing the burial rituals – each clan/culture has their own.
My aunt’s wake was very similar to my mother’s (except there was more Irish music, which I personally think is the more correct thing to do!). Some prayers, a group rosary, some bonding/condolence time, lots of flowers.
But the purpose of wakes and funerals isn’t to uphold a culture or family tradition – though those things are accomplished. I think it’s more to provide an expression to grief and a container for the love and support that the bereaved need and the friends and family want to give.
In a culture that pretends like death doesn’t exist that’s all the more needed.
Go well, Aunt Mickey. Your suffering here has ended. And if there’s any type of afterlife (as I believe there is) I’m thinking there is a GRAND Glasgow family reunion going on as the last of the Glasgow clan left the Earth and joined the Celestial Shenanigans.
Beautifully written Diane. I have never been to an Irish wake but know that Aunt Mickey’s send off went well and that she enjoyed it.
The real Irish wakes were like the one they held for my Grandfather (the dad of Mickey & my mom). Open casket in the family living room, clan gathered around with some Irish whiskey, sentimental songs and lots of story-telling about the deceased. We DID have a lot of GREAT stories about Aunt Mickey. And a lovely Mexican-American woman, a friend of my aunt’s from church, singing Aunt Mickey’s favorite songs – tunes from the 40s, Elvis, “Oh Little Town of Bethlehem” and “Danny Boy.” ‘Twas quite lovely. At the end of funeral Mass, when one might expect another religious hymn (ala “On Eagles Wings” sung during the Mass) we walked out to “The Battle Hymn of the Republic” – now I’ve not had THAT at a funeral before! Aunt Mickey picked the music, and yes, I think she would have had a grand time. Thanks for caring, Tammy.
[...] It’s also coming up on a year since my beloved Aunt Mickey passed and I made the trek out to Yuma, Arizona for her wake and funeral. [...]