I promised I’d write a bit about cohousing. Have you heard of it? I think of cohousing like the grown-up version of the hippie communes of my youth. While I was never in a commune per se, my brother’s house was an approximation thereof with the various people who lived there, sort of lived there, hung out there or just partied there. What I liked about it was that you could count on people being around and on companionship with (mostly) like-minded souls.
What I didn’t like was the chaos. Basic supplies were never around – you’d bring a whole box of tampons and a day later there weren’t any (house had lots of women…). The fridge was full of beer, but food? not so much, unless you count condiments, and those were likely to be either weird or old. It was fun to hang out and party there, but it wasn’t a concept around which one could build a life worth living – even in my wild and feckless youth.
I started hearing about “intentional communities” and that sounded way more promising. The first such place I heard about – WAY back in the early 70s still exists – “The Farm” in Summerton, Tennessee (see http://www.thefarm.org/). That sounded a bit out there to me, but I liked the overall idea.
Fast forward a few decades and then in the early 1990s I got together with a partner who shared my thoughts that living in some more communal way would really fit our needs – both then (when we were still in our forties) and as we sailed towards older age. so Sue and I trekked to the northern tip of Scotland to the very archetypal Findhorn Foundation (see http://www.findhorn.org ). Founded a few decades before we got there by 3 middle-aged seemingly ‘normal’ folks, it is a community centered on meditation and group consensus – arriving at decisions from the simplest to the largest through shared meditation time. This was VERY me. So Sue & I went for a week and I really fell in love with Findhorn. It’s very international – while most of the residents ARE European they’re from all over Europe and there were plenty of Aussies, Kiwis, Canadians, Americans and smattering of folks from Asia, Africa and South America. I like that it’s formed on a spiritual basis. They have a huge emphasis on nature, creativity and play – all very me!
But despite my Scottish roots and my deep love for the entire “British Isles” and all of Europe – well, it was a long way from my beloved family and Sweet Home Chicago, so, while I’ve toyed with the idea of going back, it hasn’t really felt realistic.
Sue and I explored more intentional communities in the States – Twin Oaks (along with The Farm, I think Twin Oaks has to be one of the older existing intentional communities in the US) – http://www.twinoaks.org/, a small community in Vermont, another community in southern Virginia (Twin Oaks is in Virginia as well). They were all interesting, but most felt too iconoclastic for me (I know this must seem surprising to people who a) know me; and b) know what the word iconoclastic means – !).
A few years later Sue and I started hearing about cohousing. Cohousing is not communes. It’s not intentional communities. I think of cohousing as “enlightened subdivisions” or “friend-filled apartment buildings.”
While some cohousing communities, like almost all intentional communities, are centered around an ideal or a philosophy (say, vegetarianism, sustainability, social justice) many are not. Some are formed by groups of people who know one another – or a core group of friends and some get created with a group of former strangers.
and while some of the intentional communities we visited made George’s hippie house seem modern and well-furbished, cohousing spaces I’ve investigated tend to be brand new, and not only designed for practicality and sustainability – but also for beauty.
That’s important to me.
I want to live cooperatively with others nearby – but in my own space (I’m so done with running out of things and other people’s noise and chaos – my twenties cured me of that!). I want to be able to share things: tools, cooking, help with chores, fun, children, depth, watermelon – you know – LIFE.
The idea of living lightly on the earth seems more do-able if you can share things with others. I know I’ve been longing to belong to a CSA farm again (Community Supported Agriculture – I’ll write on that another time, meanwhile study up here: http://www.localharvest.org/csa/ ) but in a household of one, it’s just not practical.
I have incredible neighbors and friends and we DO share things, but I’d like to have that be even more of my life. Hey – I got a great loaf of bread today – it will only taste this fantastic for a while, here’s half. Hey – I never knew I might need pinking shears, but now I do – do you have any? That type of thing.
One of the most appealing things to me, the extrovert, is having a ready source of people at hand. But the introverts I know who live in cohousing like it as much (maybe more) than I do – they have their own space, but don’t have to be too brave about seeking out people when that’s what fills the bill.
I also like the idea of intergenerational living. I love people from infants to elders and I’d like to be around all of the above. And while I say I’m a “kitty mom” I’m a “dog aunt” and having different animal companions around would be great too.
I have to say – back in the day, they called this family life – intergenerational families banded together and it was good. My favorite movie, Antonia’s Line (see http://rogerebert.suntimes.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/19960214/REVIEWS/602140301/1023) covered just such a happy gathering of souls – there’s a picnic scene that just made my heart leap – reminded me of being at my grandparents farm – bustling, food, kids, dogs – LIFE!
As my generation ages, the idea of cohousing has a lot of appeal to people I know.
I have a lot more to say about this, but this is a good start. You’re probably tired of reading. I have to go meet my friend Candace for our Friday night hanging out. Check out http://www.cohousing.org/.
Then tell me:
- Does this have any appeal to you? (why? why not?)
- what seems weird or creepy or “don’t like” about it?
- What interests you?
If you were to be in a cohousing community what (if anything) would the common element be?
I”m sure I’ll write more on this topic – unless you guys have no interest. I’ll know by your comments….
Oh my…I grew up very near The Farm and as a teenager my desire was to run away and live there. Of course I never did but the desire is still there. In the early days it was more of a hippie commune. I was in awe of Ina Mae Gaskin and her husband, Steven, spent time in prison for…gasp…marijuana!! I’ve read recently that they have restructured it and now you can own your own house. I’m surprised it has lasted all these years since it’s in the middle of the bible belt and they were not welcome in the beginning. Oh dear…lock up your children, the hippies are in town!! But over the years they have come to coexist and have made a good life for themselves. I’m glad to see its success.
I’m the introvert! I need my own space and have a hard time getting out there. I’m not sure how I would do living in co-housing. I think of it fleetingly but never have given it serious thought. My dream now is to get back to the country with a little land to garden and just have space. I have my dog and two cats and see my life as being very quiet growing food and creating fabric art. I’ve never been afraid to make changes, lord I’ve made plenty over the years. I don’t know what I’m waiting on but my new life right now is giving me room to think it all out. Maybe co-housing is in my future, who knows.
Great post. Thanks for bringing back a good memory for me!!!
Intentional Community is the keyword here for me. How many people live an intention? I think “back in the day” we all were about Love and Peace, and Friendship and Community. Although less defined than today, there was not a lot of criticism and viewing it all through a microscope. That means the world was what we were creating as a community, and not shoved up our noses at every turn.
I had a thought, even though the guys were into “energy” management, I do not ever remember the temperature. I know it was always cozy and warm in winter, but in the summer I do not remember the heat? Odd.
Anyway, asking everyone what the definition of community is You have in your personal investigations and travel has brought you into a deeper richer place about the subject than most. I am not blowing smoke here, I am just saying.
Many are not cut out for it, I am interested in it, although have not had a chance to check out all of the references, great job on that! I will. Yes “back in the day”, I thought the people who were “Farmers” were the extreme hippies!
I think they in fact may be visionaries today!
I think that cultures all over the world with inter-generational cohabitation are awesome. I have seen this at work on the reservations. The elderly are revered and respected, and always have a hand in raising the upcoming generation. There is a saying about raising a child by a community, and how they flourish and grow so strong with so much support. I think we all did that for each other “back in the day”, and filled in gaps we may not have had in our youth. I remember, that I was always in a pack of people, always. I did have a community raise me.
The isolation of the New Age, and technology I believe has really taken a toll on children.
What connection do they have to music, art and nature?
We also had the best music, it was almost as if we were all
transformed in sync, whenever the tunes played, and they played constantly.
Happy to share and compassionate memories were the theme then.
Thank you for another great entry.
Thanks for this post, Diane. I’m going to show it to Dave. In my family, I am interested and Dave not so much. We’re going to an open house at our Belfast cohousing next weekend. I’m drawn to the immediate community of cohousing and the living lightly on the earth part. I would really value some more discussion about this.
Thank you for an interesting post. I love the sound of the spiritual place in the North of Scotland. What appeals to me most are the elements of my youth – intergenerational living and the neighborly way of life. What doesn’t appeal are the projects set up for a certain age group although I know that is attractive to some. I doubt my husband would have much interest in any of this – which causes me to wonder if the concept isn’t more appealing to women on the whole? My mother in law lives on a fairly remote island where a good portion of the neighbors are single (divorced, widowed) women. They do look after each other but perhaps there is a way to take an existing community and modify it into a cohousing concept?
@Myra – your comments brought up the Joni Mitchell song “Electricity” for me: “Well I’m learning
It’s peaceful
With a good dog and some trees
Out of touch with the breakdown
Of this century
They’re not going to fix it up
Too easy.” – I can picture you in your garden, dog nearby. Interestingly, the people with whom I’ve been talking about creating community are all (except me) introverts. I hope some of them will come out to play some of the time!
@Julie – thanks for being a camerado ‘back in the day’ and now. We really did have a great time, eh. Do you remember dancing insanely at George’s house in Lake in the Hills to Jethro Tull’s “Locomotive Breath” – we were nuts and I loved it!
@Kristi – ah, you and i have so long been birds of a feather – yes, it’s both the community AND the living lightly on the earth that make it particulary appealing. And being exposed somewhat regularly to people who, while of a similar mindset, are unique creatures and bring new ways of being, new mindsets and new recipes (love the opportunities to cook and eat together)!
@Tammy – nice to meet you and I love your blog – I’ll add it to my blogroll – many of my readers would love your blog as well. Yes, i’m with you – the “55 and older” spaces have almost no appeal for me – i like a broad mix of people and especially like having the little people around (i’m not a mom but i am a kickass grandaunt and was at least an okay aunt). Findhorn is amazing -there’s way more to it than I went into here, but it’s truly worth checking out.
I don’t know if more women than men are interested – the cohousing communities to which I’ve been exposed have mostly been primarily heterosexual (which I’m not, but some of my best friends are
) with slightly more women than men. I think women still outlive men and so it’s appealing, I know, to a lot of my women friends who don’t want to grow old alone. See Kristi’s post above -she’s interested, her husband Dave is not. So you may be on to something. But the guys i’ve met in cohousing spaces seem way into it. The one I almost joined in Madison was formed by the uncle & aunt of an acquaintance of mine and from what I can tell it was the man who was the real visionary/driver on the deal.
Great food for thought. Would love to hear from some guys on this!
I had never heard of cohousing until you mentioned it to me a few years ago — I looked into it and fell in love with the idea.
The idea of being able to combine the mindfulness of “cultural creatives” with the activism of “lighter living” and a place that promotes community (the one thing that has been seriously lacking in both my suburban and city living experiences) is exactly what my soul craves.
I’m not sure when we departed from this way of living. Ancient and “primitive” civilizations lived this way. The native and colonial populations of our country lived this way. I wonder why it changed? Was it the infiltration of technology? wealth? increased population? A pendulum swing to the other end?
Whatever the reason, I believe isolation is unhealthy. We have swung too far from the concepts of being connected to earth and each other, teamwork, considering the “whole”, and just plain learning to tolerate and get along. Maybe this is part of the change that is dawning. Maybe it’s just the answer for the some of us who crave connection. But thanks for bringing it up and spreading the word. (And if anyone is interested in starting one in NC, let me know!)
@Sherri – I think things started changing in the 60s. As an astrologer I find that interesting -as some of that energy is coming back around – we now get to review what we did before. Life is cyclical and i suspect all parts of the cycle are needed for things to ultimately make sense. we like some of them more than others, but I’m not so sure we can be positive of what is ‘good’ and what is ‘bad’. That said, I think a move back toward more communality and community and LOVE is a good idea.
As for NC – my pals and I are talking about Asheville. Me, I ‘d like Madison, Wisconsin or Chicago but the weather wimps are people I love so I may have to settle. We’ll see!
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I’ve been thinking about this a lot, and perhaps it is because I’m a woman living alone in a small city. It’s hard to find a sense of community these days and, when you do, everyone in that “community” goes back to their little isolated homes at the end of whatever brought them together. And living alone in what feels like a big house doesn’t make sense to me. The appeal is community and shared values. The scary part, for me, is the unknows—what if they’re not really people I want to hang out with? Plus, the cohousing opportunities I’ve looked at around here (New Hampshire) are really expensive!
We are spending a lot of time with the co-housing community out here in the SF Bay Area, we think its a great way to go – we’d go that way except that we live in another of those 60s hippie communes – the intentional community we live in was founded in 1968.
I think most folks have forgotten (or never knew) that the idea of the nuclear family and living as a nuclear family dates from … after world war II – it was really about selling the most toasters, cars, dishwashers and houses – to prevent the economy from falling back into the depression after the war ended – and it doesn’t seem to be working very well for us as a society.
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