Miracles and Magic

I am a fan of the book The Spirituality of Imperfection.  I was leafing it through last night, for some inspiration after a particularly thought provoking guided meditation at my church.  Here’s what I read:

“And miracle, Bill and other early A.A.s knew from their own experience of alcoholism and recovery, is exactly the opposite of magic.  Miracle involves openness to mystery, the welcoming of surprise, the acceptance of those realities over which we have no control.  Magic is the attempt to be in control, to manage everything – it is the claim to be, or to have a special relationship with, some kind of ‘god.’  Spirituality is aligned not with magic and the effort to control, but with miracle, “the wonder of the unique that points us back to the wonder of the everyday.’” {page 118}

I used to have a bumpersticker on my car that read “Expect a Miracle”.  I put it on the car at a time in my life that felt bleak, frightening and filled with uncertainty.  I was clinging to spirituality with all my might.  I must admit, I was also looking for some magic.  some Ju-Ju that would make the bad stuff go away, the disappeared good stuff come back and life to feel steady, secure and normal again.

I learned in that liminal period that several powerful principles used together always create positive results:

• Live life from a place of gratitude
• Practice acceptance – don’t fight reality!
• “Do the next right thing”
• Trust the process (personally I call that trusting God, but my non-God-fan friends might like ‘process’ or ‘Universe’ better)

I heard a show on NPR yesterday about sustainability and climate change.  The scientist being interviewed talked about a phenomenon, of which I’m aware, but had no idea it had a name:  techno-optimism.  I’ve heard this argument from my Dad when we talk about climate change (which, like politics, is perilous turf for our conversations).  I did a Google search to find a quick definition – but I see the results remind me of political conversations:  It’s Good! No, It’s Bad! — but not so much “here’s what it is”.  However, my take is that people who would prefer not to change now are betting on magic – future technology will fix bad things, so don’t worry, be happy.

I don’t think that’s helpful.

My brother and I were talking about some tricky conundrums he solved in fixing his sailboat (I  have to say, my brother can fix ANYTHING! He’s amazing).  He said he was happy that the problem was eradicated, but not happy that it might have involved “FM”.  “Radios? What on earth is FM?”, I asked.  I’ll paraphrase his reply as I like this blog to be non-profane:  Flippin’ Magic

Magic (or Miracles) is not a good strategy.  Back when I was a software developer eons ago there was a popular cartoon showing an application development plan – in the middle was a big box saying “And here, a miracle occurs”.

Why then, do I expect a miracle?

Because over and over and over again I have seen that if I do the next right thing, live from a place of gratitude and trust God that unexpected blessings do appear – often from unlikely sources at just the right time.  Is that part of my strategic planning?

Well, the miracle part per se is not.  But being open to possibility, planning ‘the next right thing’ and not every tiny step for the next ten years, and coming from a place of positive expectations ARE part of the plan.  And you know, so far it’s working pretty well.

How about you?  Are you relying on “FM”? Or are you doing your part and expecting a miracle.  Or maybe – none of the above!  I really want to know!

 

 

Pay me now or pay me later – healthy food vs health care

One of the pages I follow on Facebook is Mother Jones magazine.  They have progressive, thought-provoking content.  Yesterday they had an interactive tool on their magazine’s web site - Is Your Food Spending Normal?  I’m a sucker for these types of quizzes.  I also am competitive – I like to win.  So (insert frowny face here) I was at first bummed at seeing that I, picturing myself as Ms. Frugal (I am Scottish and Dutch, after all, nationalities touted for frugality) spends too much on food.

The me who can be negative and judgmental had a little snippy remark to self about comparing checkbook size and waist size.  But then I thought “Oh wait! Create Positive Change!  How can I make this into a GOOD story?”

While I am the first to admit that my food expenditures are not just on apples, broccoli and cod, and that Ms. No-to-Big-Corporations has a robust Starbucks addiction going, I DO think that eating high quality, nutritious food is part of the reason why I spend more —- on Food.

On health care?  not so much.

And I think there’s a correlation.  I had asked my friend Kay, when she worked as a nurse in our local hospital, what percentage of people were in the hospital due to lifestyle factors as opposed to genetics or accidents.  At that point she said something like “over 75%”.  When she and I discussed this again last week, she said she thinks it is well over 90%. This 2005 article “Only 3 percent of Americans live a healthy lifestyle” would seem to substantiate that.  Some common diseases caused by lifestyle (nutrition, exercise, smoking) are outlined in this recent Livestrong article.  And though this article is from 2003, I suspect the depressing facts and figures on how obesity contributes to health and health care spending have gotten more depressing, not less.

I could provide a million links, but you get my point.  As I’ve written here before, when people point out that it costs money to eat healthfully, I always say that I’d rather spend money now on good food than later on cancer or diabetes care.

Does eating healthfully guarantee that I won’t develop heart disease, cancer, diabetes or other lifestyle-related leading causes of death?  No, life does not come with guarantees other than death itself.  But if articles like this one are correct (and if you read just ONE link from today’s blog, make it this one) you can save lots of money for yourself – and the government (as you may well get these diseases once you’re on Medicare – the effects of bad choices often take a few decades to kick in).

So – the Create Positive Change me DOES need to look at some of the unhealthy food choices I make with all that excessive spending (can I justify a Snickers bar?  I’m thinking no.  The Starbucks, however, shall remain).  But I can feel good about the choices I make  – food, my gym membership, even reading Prevention magazine to stay motivated – that are helping me save money – both now and in the future – on health care.

How about you?  How did you do on MoJo’s “Is Your Food Spending Normal” quiz?  Do you feel okay about the results?  Or do you need to make some changes?  I really want to know!

Unity principles: There is only one presence and one power in the Universe and in my life

Sundays are Spirituality Day here at Taking it to the Streets

I attend Unity Spiritual Center of Woodstock and see Unity as one of the main streams of the river of my spirituality.  My nephew asked me ”Well, does this church you go to have any core beliefs?”.  As it turns out, yes, we have five principles by which we live.  Each Sunday we say them in our service and I’ll cover them individually here over the course of some Sundays.

1. There is only one power and one presence in the Universe and in my life – God, the Good Omnipotent.

(This is also expressed as “1) God is the source and creator of all. There is no other enduring power. God is good and present everywhere.”)

It’s important to me to remember that there is ONE power – God.  Not “the job market” as I seek next right livelihood.  Not “the stock market” or “the economy” as I wonder if my money is safe for retirement.  Not “common sense” as I wish that I and others in my life would not make bad decisions.  Not “ADD” or “getting older” or any of the things I think I could blame actions on in my life.  Not “the devil” in whom my mother had a great belief.  Not Republicans, nor Democrats, nor any seeming political force (oh, I DO invest a lot of energy into believing that politics is a force in the world).

There is ONE presence and ONE power in the Universe – AND IN MY LIFE.  And luckily, too, it’s not my ego!  It’s God.

There’s a great pamphlet written by Emmet Fox – The Golden Key - in which he says that whenever anything troubles you, rather than ruminating on your worry, think instead of God.

This principle helps in that pursuit.  Because when I worry about what my next job will be, or about the health and well-being of those I love, or the direction in which our country seems headed (or even just losing the few pounds that found me over the holidays), I can remember that the real power is with God.

Some people I hang out with say that if “God” seems a scary or foreign word to you, you can substitute G.O.D. – Good Orderly Direction.

And for this principle I think you could substitute one of God’s longer names – Good.

I also like the last word we use for this principle at my church – “Omnipotent”.  When things feel insurmountable I can remember that – the all powerfulness of the Good, of God.  That helped me a lot last year as my 46 year old friend was dying from cancer.  When I felt overwhelmed with sadness and wanting to stop  what was happening, I turned the whole mess over to God the Good Omnipotent.  Becky still died.  But she was definitely at peace, and over time I have become at peace with it too.  While God’s idea of good, or what the ultimate plan is still remain mysterious to me at times, I have come very much to trust the process.

So when I find myself troubled, I can turn to this principle and remind myself that thankfully, neither my ego nor {fill in the blank with the supposed power about which I’m worried – economy, health, et al} is anything else.  Over to You, God!

That Used to Be Us – education as a solution for globalizaton challenges

I’ve written two posts (here and here) on “That Used to Be Us:  How America Fell Behind in the World It Invented and How We Can Come Back” by Thomas Friedman and Michalel Mandelbaum.  As promised, here’s a post about some of the solutions Friedman and Mandelbaum propose.

First, I have to just  say – the book is FANTASTIC on outlining what’s wrong.  If you feel America is headed in the wrong direction and need some facts, figures and talking points this is a great resource.  Like some of Friedman’s other books the description of the problem can feel almost overwhelming at time.

As I focus for 2012 (Create. Positive. Change.) I remind myself to get out of despair/anger and into solutions.  This post will cover solutions proposed for the first of the four major areas of challenges that the book addresses:

1. How to adapt to Globalization
2. Hot to adjust to the IT revolution
3. How to cope with the large and soaring budget deficits
4. How to manage a world of both rising energy consumption and rising climate threats

For Globalization – in essence, the antidote is education.  On page 19 he quotes Charles Vest, former president of MIT who said:

“..it requires a public awakening, establishment of political will, resetting of priorities, sacrifice for the future, and an alliance of governments, businesses and citizens. … Engineering, education, science, and technology are clearly within the core of what has to be done.  After all, this is the knowledge age.  The United States cannot prosper based on low wages, geographic isolation, or military might.  We can prosper only based on brainpower: properly prepared and properly applied brainpower.”

He again emphasizes the importance of science and math on page 100:

“Because of the merger of globalization and the IT revolution, raising math, science, reading and creativity levels in American schools is the key determinant of economic growth, and economic growth is the key to national power and influence as well as individual well-being.”

• We need to close the educational gap between whites and minorities – we need “all hands on deck”
• Tony Wegner, from Harvard, argues that we should “create a West Point for would-be teachers and principals”

 

Use these lessons from Colorado:

1. Pay teachers for results and watch what happens!
2. Reward the best teachers and then pay them to teach their methods to others
3. Base tenure on performance, not seniority
4. If reductions in force are needed do it based on effectiveness, not seniority
5. Let principles hire their own teachers.  “That is, the school district cannot take ineffective teachers, whom no school wants to hire, and force them on a school.  Teachers who are not hired by any school on their merits after one year get released.”

There are other things WE can do to help:

• Support effective teachers as a community.  Money isn’t the only reward – Washington, DC does an event called “A Standing Ovation for D.C. Teachers” (p 118)
• Push politicians to make educational reform a priority.
• Get who the real competition is – it’s not the other middle school in your town, but the middle school in Shanghai or Seoul against which you should compare your children’s school
• Expect more of your children or the kids in your life.  I love this line:  “American young people have got to understand from an early age that the world pays off on results, not on effort.” (p 125).  Amen!
• Get involved – ACTIVELY involved in your kids education and learning.
• Read to your kids and have lots of books in your home:  “children growing up in homes with many books get 3 years more schooling than children from bookless homes, independent of their parents’ education, occupation, and class.” (p 127)
• “At precisely the moment when we need more education to bring the bottom up to the average and the American average up to the global peaks, our students are spending more time texting and gaming and less time than ever studying and doing homework.  Unless we get them to spend the time needed to master a subject, all the teacher training in the world will go for naught.” (p 129)

Those are just a few suggestions from one chapter – the book is full of ideas that could each spawn a movement.

The statistics and anecdotes they provided about how VERY far behind America is educationally scared me a lot. I don’t have kids, but I have nieces and nephews and now a lot of grandnieces and grandnephews.  I want a better future for them.  If you have kids you love, consider providing them with encouragement, inspiration, books and resources.  Push them to get results – it’s so important for them and for America.

 

More baby steps towards co-housing aka neighborliness

A few days ago I wrote about sharing a shredder with my friend Bill - a baby step towards the cohousing future we want to create.  And a way to live more lightly on the earth, be frugal and not have too much stuff!

Yesterday I got another opportunity for the type of neighborliness, “We’re all in this together” vibe I’m seeking to have more of in my life.  My dear friend/neighbor Julie texted me asking if her husband Pete could borrow my Forester mini station wagon to take their daughter Madelyn to band practice.  Julie had their minivan and Madelyn’s stand-up bass would not fit in Pete’s Saab without putting the neck of the bass out the window in our very cold Chicago winter evening.

Often I’m home in the evenings, but I had plans to meet with a bunch of women last night.  My friend Kay had been feeling a bit down and when we had tea earlier in the day said she’d like to go with me (she’s actually the one who introduced me to this group).

So I called Kay, asked if she could drive me to/from the gathering – she said yes.  Texted Julie back that it was a go.

Then, I remembered my conversation with Kay about how frustrated I am that the nutritionist I saw a few years ago seems to have been right – looks like I ***am*** allergic to almonds.  I had, alas, just bought a big $12 bag of almonds last week.

So in some very nice synchronicity, Pete used my car to get Madelyn to/from band practice.  Kay and I had more one:one time to talk in our rides to/from the group.  I gave Kay the bag of almonds – I was pleased to give them to someone I knew would appreciate them – she was pleased for the unexpected treat.

Cohousing.  It’s a more formal, structured way to ensure neighborliness and community and resource sharing.  Right now I live in a little suburban house in an ordinary neighborhood.  But I’m creating more neighborliness and sustainability every day.

Saying no and saying yes

The problem:  Where to begin?  Income inequality in America, crumbling infrastructure, corporations trying to wrest control of the Internet, Citizens United, global warming….pick your issue!

The solution:  Say no! —- and — Say yes to an alternative!

I spent a lot of last year being outraged.  Well, I’ve been outraged a lot since 2008, watching America change into an entrenched plutocracy.  Being outraged, per se, only hurt me.  Not paying attention (the tactic I see many – most? – people use) is probably worse.

Now I’m focusing on two alternatives, both of which will create positive change (as you know, that’s my theme for 2012 – create positive change).

Say no to what you don’t like.

Or say yes, to a better alternative.

At a philosophical level, I feel the better strategy is to say yes to the better alternative.  My mom used to tell us “you become what you think about” (wise woman!) and one of the tenets of my church (Unity) is that “Thoughts held in mind produce after their kind” – i.e., our thoughts create our reality, so best to choose positive ones.  I agree with that.

But this pugnacious, passionate Irish girl still gets riled up at injustice and inequality.   Rather than wishing I were less bombastic, it’s occurred to me that I can do both – focus on creating good, put my energy into the new world I wish to see.  But also continue to say no.

What saying no looks like for me:

• Attending “Occupy the Courts” in Chicago this Friday
• Writing about what needs changing
• Boycotting companies that are egregiously wrong (top of my list:  Wal-Mart, followed by Target and BP)
• Getting more involved in Occupy Chicago

What saying yes looks like for me:

• Getting more involved in the Transition Town network
• Getting food from local sources – farmer’s markets, CSAs, my friend’s garden, Farmer Nick (local eggs and chickens)
• Buying locally in general
• Seeking sustainability from the very small acts (cloth bags rather than paper/plastic), to the medium (buying a shredder with my friend rather than each of us buying one) to the larger (investigating co-housing)

I plan to explore more of these this year and will take you along for the ride.

How are you saying no right now?

How are you saying yes right now?

Which feels more natural to you?

I really want to know!

 

Baby steps towards co-housing: the shared shredder

As you may know, I am interested in cohousing.  My two best friends and I are planning to either join a cohousing community, or create a mini one of our own in retirement.  However, right now Sue lives in Orlando and Bill lives a few suburbs away from me.

Bill and I took a mini-step towards our cohousing ideal yesterday when we jointly bought a shredder.  He needs one.  I need one.  We live in separate towns.  But really, how often do you REALLY have to shred things?  For me the big need is in January, when I go through all my files and clean things out.  Most of the papers go into the recycling, but I don’t want to just recycle the financial papers.  Sometimes I just burn them in the fireplace, but this year as I got ambitious and even cleared out the archives in the basement I had a whole big Tupperware bin filled with financial papers from years back.

I’ve been looking for more opportunities to share resources, to create community, to live more lightly on the earth.  Honestly, a shredder seemed a stretch in some ways, but I DO feel there’s sufficient craziness afoot that ensuring one’s financial documents aren’t retrievable makes sense.  So sharing the shredder with Bill seemed a step in the right direction.

I’ve also talked about sharing a snowblower with my neighbors Pete & Julie.  So far we’ve opted to either tough it out (Pete all the time, me with lighter snows) or hire out (me for snows over 3″, Pete for snowpocalypses like we had last year).

I’ll be writing soon on the Transition Town network and other ideas for creating positive change in terms of sustainability and living more lightly on the earth.

A shared shredder is a small thing – but I believe big change is best achieved one personal, small step at a time.

Tell us about the resources you share with others – or ones you could share.  What’s your “mini cohousing”/sustainability/living lightly success story?  I really want to know!

The gift of rapt attention – how my women’s Unfolding group changes my life

Yesterday my “Unfolding” group met, as we have done monthly (mostly) for the past ten years.  In that year, my friend Julia Mossbridge’s book “Unfolding:  The Perpetual  Science of Your Soul’s Work” was published and as part of the process she decided to start a group.  Though Julia was born at around the same time as the women’s movement of the late 60s/early 70s, and so hadn’t been there at the time, this group bore a resemblance to the women’s consciousness raising circles of that time.  The concept has been simple – a small group of us (the group is now five of us) gets together once a month.  We go around the circle, with each woman having as long as needed to provide an update and just speak on what is relevant to her life today.  The others listen, then when the speaker is ‘complete’ we offer encouragement and feedback (always positive).  Then on to the next  woman.  Once we have all ‘had our piece’, we then go around the circle, one by one, stating our intention for the month ahead.  The first part is usually 15-20 minutes of talking/woman, the intention part is just a sentence or two.  We have simple snacks while we’re meeting and a bit of chitchat before or after, but that’s the gist of it.

It’s so powerful!

What I think makes it the most powerful is simply being heard.  So much of what passes for conversation is two competing monologues.  People interrupt you to make their point, talk over you, or go off on tangents totally unrelated to what you just said, leaving you wondering “did they hear me at all?”

Our Unfolding group isn’t a conversation in that while a woman “has the floor” as it were, we don’t interrupt her.  And in our commentary afterwards, we ask clarifying questions, sometimes provide challenges and mostly provide meaningful, specific encouragement and positive feedback.

There’s a phenomenal personal growth book, Circle of Stones:  Woman’s Journey to Herself which asks “How might your life have been different if there had been a place for you ….a place of women, where you were received and affirmed? A place where other women, perhaps somewhat older, had been affirmed before you, each in her time, affirmed, as she struggled to become more truly herself?”

I’m so lucky!  My life IS different because I have this each month!  For me personally, though I consider Julia, Carol, Betty, Carol and Sue all friends, I don’t really socialize with any of them but Julia outside the circle time (and as I write this I think I will change that this year!) and yet they know more about me, know me more at a soul level than some people whom I see far more regularly.

I think we all long to be listened to, long to be heard, long to be understood.  Susan Atchley Ebaugh says “The greatest gift we can give one another is rapt attention to one another’s existence.”

And by the way, this isn’t just a woman thing.  Guys need our rapt attention just as much!  Kids, pets – even, as my tsk-tsk-ing friend Bill reminds me, houseplants need attention (ahem! personal growth opportunity for me).

How would  YOUR life be different if there were a place for you where you are received, affirmed and listened to?  Do you have that?  If you do, celebrate! If not, I invite you to change that.  Start your own group.  It’s easy.  Free. And I guarantee you – it will change your life.

Now, I invite you to the conversation – how is the power of being truly heard manifesting (or not) in your life?  What can you do to provide this gift for those  you love?  I really want to know!

 

Rites of passage

Today I am blessed to be going to the Bar Mitzvah of my young friend Jacob Myers.  I’ve been to one Bat Mitzvah, an adult Bar Mitzvah and now Jacob’s.  I love this rite of passage, marking a moment in time when boys/girls are called to the Torah, called to be men/women in their community.

It’s also coming up on a year since my beloved Aunt Mickey passed and I made the trek out to Yuma, Arizona for her wake and funeral.

And I just booked airline tickets to go to Atlanta in February for a baby shower for my niece Courtney and her husband Nick, expecting their first child in May.

Weddings.  Retirement parties.  Christenings.  When we get to liminal times in our lives – times when we are about to cross a threshold into a new way of being, a new self  – it’s so important to mark the occasion.   And, I think, it’s important to have our tribe with us.  The ‘me’ that does the crossing takes the step alone.  This is most evident with death – and I love Jackson Browne’s lyric that “no matter how close to yours another’s steps have grown, in the end there is one dance you’ll do alone”.  But having witnesses to encourage us, to walk with us up to that limn/threshold is not only important for the one doing the crossing, but for the community.

I’m really looking forward to Jacob’s Bar Mitzvah this morning and honored to be included.  For while I personally, as a gentile, have not been called to the Torah, I HAVE been called to community and to service to God.  And to Jacob and his family.

What rites of passage do YOU have on tap?  How do you feel about them?  I’d really like to know!

Do the Next Right Thing

The Problem:  I feel massively unproductive of late.  Pep talks (from me, to me) and chastisement (me to me) have not moved me into action.

The Solution:  Combination of Acceptance and Do the Next Right Thing.

I do feel acceptance is the beginning of change, but since I wrote about acceptance in this post, this one is about another method I use to get off the couch and into action.

I’m off work right now (IT contractor between gigs) and I had great expectations of all the things I’d do during this much needed and anticipated down time.  Endless hours of Bejeweled was not on the list, however!

As a former life coach, who wrote a book about goal-setting and achievement (Be Your Own Life Coach:  Dream It! Plan It! Do It!) it’s not like the concept of what to do to set and achieve goals eludes me.  I actually DO a lot of what I wrote about in the book – including setting monthly, weekly and even daily goals.  I know what to do – I just don’t always do it.  Can you relate?

One of the maxims I have encountered on my spiritual path is “do the next right thing.”  My brother first alerted me to this saying and I thought “what the heck is THAT supposed to mean.”  He told me “Don’t worry about being the Doer of All Things (he calls me that sometimes), just do the NEXT RIGHT thing.”

Oh.

I think one of the reasons some people gravitate towards very structured jobs and lives is that this decision is then removed.  If you have a workplace to be at, a child to pick up at daycare, a meal to fix for a family there’s really not a lot of mystery on the next right thing (the mystery is more “how on earth will I get all of this done?).  For those of us with less externally imposed structure – temporarily, as is my case, or permanently, the days can “roll by like a broken down dam” as John Prine says.

For me there are two issues:  scattered brain and avoidance.

Scattered brain/ADD/Gemini rising/high energy girl – call it what you like, I am more the hare than the tortoise.  So looking at a page long to do list for today seems so overwhelming that “just a few games” seems like it will calm me down.  So to help me do the next right thing and not feel overwhelmed, I pick ‘the next five things” and do those, one at a time.  This has helped a lot.

Avoidance. Ah, this is the harder one.  Sometimes I’m avoiding things because they really are hard and a big deal.  Other times, when I figure out that I’m avoiding something my avoidance seems laughable even to me.  Like not filling in birthdays at all on my new 2012 wall calendar (yes, I know about electronics and actually don’t use a paper calendar at all except this one way – it just makes me happy).  Why was I not finishing this task? Because I have a little color coding system and the colored pens were smearing.  Using a ball point pen would work but then I’d either have to buy those pens in colors or abandon my little conceit.  Once I figured that out, I abandoned color coding and got the task done.

The last piece is acceptance – yes, again.  I had foot surgery in December.  I had not had any measurable time off in 15 months and prior to that I’d had one week off – so a week of down time in approximately three years – of course I want to do a little loafing!

But I’m happier when I am productive (my brother named me correctly – the Doer of All Things).  And now I’ve outed myself to you.  So I’ll cull my page long list to the next 4 (because writing this blog was on the list) and spring into action.

How about you? How do you motivate yourself to do what needs doing?